


snapped in two

by serendipitiness



Series: sh ficlets [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 2x12, Alec what have you done?, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, But I'm a little sick in the head so here we are, Episode: s02e12 You Are Not Your Own, Guilt, Heavy Angst, I'm sorry Magnus, Introspection, M/M, POV Alec Lightwood, Thank god it didn't happen, That thing that almost happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 18:30:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11190861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serendipitiness/pseuds/serendipitiness
Summary: He’d turned around and run back into the room after Jace had confirmed the body switch, his heart in his throat, but still...He’d been too late.(or how Alec Lightwood reels after everything goes wrong - divergence from end of 2x12)





	snapped in two

He’s had dreams of being the one to shoot Valentine in the heart, killing him for everything he’s done to the people Alec cares about. He’s dreamed about entombing him and locking him away from sight, until the entire world can start to regain its equilibrium without his sickening presence.

But now, watching the blood drip, red and hot, from the tip of the seraph blade in the Inquisitor’s hand, the long, angry gash traced across Valentine’s throat, Alec can feel the agony like a visceral thing, coloring his gaze gray and tipping his world sideways.

He’d turned around and run back into the room after Jace had confirmed the body switch, his heart in his throat, but still...

He’d been too late.

Now Valentine is somewhere, holding Jace captive and occupying Magnus’ body. _Magnus’_ body, those hands that had held onto Alec, those legs that had twined with his, that mouth that had captured his with soft breaths and a gentle slide.

And in front of him, head lolling and limp, the only person Alec’s ever wanted to keep for himself, the only person who looked at Alec and saw something worth smiling for, is gone.

The life he’d thought he’d have, the person he’d started dreaming of sharing it with, that future has disintegrated into smoke, like it never existed. It’s like he hadn’t kissed Magnus at his own wedding, like they’d never gone on that first date at the Hunter’s Moon, like they hadn’t traveled around the world with each other.

It hurts far more because Alec had known, he had known and still he’d followed the Inquisitor’s orders like a puppet on a string, binding and gagging Magnus, following orders instead of what he knew was right. Because the doubt had been growing and growing in his chest like a balloon about to burst, because he _knew_ Magnus and despite Valentine’s face, despite his ability to twist his words and spout lies, Alec had known that the pleas pouring from Valentine’s lips had been Magnus’ words.

“If you love me, please… _please_ , you have to believe me,” he had said.

I love you, Alec thinks hopelessly. I love you, I love you, I _loved_ you so much.

Instead of hearing the words in return, he sees the spirit of the man he loves, lying dead on the cold, hard ground of the Institute, fear immortalized his glass eyes and the word “Alexander” on his tongue, and no matter what, there's nothing Alec can do to fix this.

He stands, silent and motionless, feeling the world swirl around him, charging forward while he stares unseeingly, planted firm in this moment when it all changed.

 _I never thought you'd go before me_ , he thinks faintly.

And Alec breaks.

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry
> 
> thank god this didn't happen or i'd march up to the writers and poke them in the eyes with a stick
> 
> update: come hang w/ me on tumblr [ @s-erendipitiness](https://s-erendipitiness.tumblr.com/).


End file.
